Suicide is Not a Dirty Word

We need to talk about psychosis. Psychosis is a completely normal glitch nearly everyone experiences from time to time. It’s not as terrifying as you think, but it is critical to understanding suicide. Psychosis is simply defined as a loss of contact with reality. It doesn’t have to be a complete dissociation; a person just needs to have difficulty in some way distinguishing between what is real or not. Usually this is defined by if they see or hear things that other people do not or if they are experiencing outlandish beliefs or paranoia (delusions). A few years ago, during an especially severe manic episode, a psychiatrist asked me, “Have you been having any hallucinations?” My response was sincere: “How would I know?” She acted like no one had ever asked that before.  Yesterday I wrote about rumination , which is only one of the many ways your brain thinks in stupid, non-efficient ways. With rumination, you can convince yourself your hallucinations or delusions...

Ecologists tell me other animals don't commit intentional suicide. What is so special/broken about humans? I think the answer is rumination. For my purposes, rumination is defined as focused attention on one’s own internal cognition. Rumination is how we plan, solve problems, and create art. In its positive form it’s called self-reflection. We can assess ourselves, decide how we need to improve, and work through different scenarios to achieve those goals. Negative rumination may manifest as anxiety or brooding depression. People can become obsessed with interpersonal problems, their own flaws, social injustice, or with anything else painful. The thoughts about the pain and the problem push out any room for solving the issue. It can become an all-consuming crisis. From the Apocalypse Tapestry, Angers, France If you’re lucky/cursed enough to experience manic episodes, racing thoughts are probably familiar to you. Most everyone experiences this to some degree. You ...